Letting the kids see our own insufficiencies in relationship and our concern to humbly, albeit humorously, resolve issues, for instance with the course online at http://www.love and respect.com does help to bring sexual differences into perspective. Although at first this doesn’t seem to address sex, it does let them see that the warmth and intimacy of a relationship is affected by communication. And we hope we give the impression that there is only room in life for this depth of relationship with one person.

I have both a son and daughter who have ‘taken the pledge’ because it’s popular, yet I do believe their hearts have been touched by the idea of being considered ‘pure’. It is within the realm of temptions, I believe, much later that the difficulty comes. Watch what your family has been ’seasoned with’ on TV; take care especially to exhibit both prudence and appreciation for intimacy in your own marriage around the children (this will ultimately be the driving point).

My own parents tried to dispel the effects of a forbidden fruit syndrome by allowing us to watch what was back then typically R rated material. They condoned anything that was more or less intellectually stimulating and let the sexual implications become incidental. This was not effective for their daughters, as the era held very little protective boundaries and respect for women and lead us to believe that if you loved someone intimacy was justified (without regard to any future together). Although our whole Bible Belt generation then knew it was most valuable to keep your virginity. Intimacy was allowable. (But it was probably helpful that my parents drove home harder the point that divorce was not an option, so be careful with whom you become intimate. That is, at least, a bare bones approach.)

I know it’s impossible in the modern world to avoid explicit advertisements even if you don’t own a TV. But what we can do, at least, is to tactfully and reasonably let it be known our opinions or to show sorrow for ones who have made a career out of putting what is very personal out there for the whole world to be entertained, judgemental, and wearing towards. Believe it or not there are still some role models in Hollywood, e.g., Mark Harmon, uh and uh well can’t recall right now.

My own family and I are much more conservative Christians, and I’m praying that another problem will not arise from the fact that my children feel having been careful for many years that the first ‘warm fuzzies’ they feel, uncontrollably, about someone who happens to be in the faith will not automatically put them up as a contender for marriage. We have talked at length (and depended upon Bible stores and good novels) about both the physical side and heartfelt care for the opposite sex. It does help to have one of each kind at home as siblings, because I think they learn to exhibit respect for the opposite sex and get to discuss contentions surrounding all this in a real kind of way, more often than those without a close brother or sister. Sans that, the latest Christian series, Love Comes Softly, is a terrific conversation starter on relationships, love and respect.

Another major dependency is upon prayer. And telling them about how we’re praying and hoping for them in this regard. Additionally, we have taken a bold approach (though I may speak prematurely) to lay down the dating rules early. Or should I say the not-dating rules. We call it ‘courting’. Bottomline, it requires both sets of parents to know each other and for all parties to be so familiar as to be a strong support for the relationship either way it goes. Courting will involve helping what was once ‘warm fuzzies’ become better defined and hopefully land up bridging into a deeply respectful end to some curiously made friendships, at first. Then those who’ve been on the ride with girl and boy help to offer the journey and its participants much love and respect. Of course, if the first one lands up being the one, I guess we will have been spared all that. Oh, my goodness, we’re simply not ready for all this. But like with everything else, the Lord on High is!

When the final jewel of a partner comes, or does not come, we pray to offer the kind of confirmation that leads to godliness and contentment. Lord, be with us all in this spiritual job. And with all of you.

Hope I didn’t get too carried away. There was more ….. But!

Thank you for letting me share.